Almost a Month

Ainsley Allen Hanes
April 15, 2006
8:01AM
8 lbs. 3 oz.

You are already almost a month old, peanut. The time has flown by so quickly for me, I wonder how you feel about it.

This month started out rough. It took me longer to bounce back from the c-section than I had anticipated, and for the first few days I felt like I wasn't taking very good care of you. Luckily, Daddy was there to pick up the slack. I was really a bit of a mess. I do not cry often, but in the first few days after your birth, I found myself crying more than once. These last 5 months or so, I really got used to feeling you moving around in there all the time. Then, all of a sudden, you weren't there anymore. You weren't with me all the time. I was simply devastated by that loss - I felt so incredibly lonely. I was thrilled that I was finally able to share you with Daddy, but I missed you horribly.

The idea of you is still a bit overwhelming for me - I don't think its sunk in yet that I am a Mommy. All I know is that I worry about you all the time. Constantly. I have gotten over the idea that I need to check on you in your crib if I can't hear you, but I still worry.

This month you have astounded Daddy and me with your strength. You have been able to hold your head up since day one, which is amazing. And your little legs are already so strong - we barely have to balance you, and you're up on your feet.

You have been a wonderful baby so far. You only cry when you're hungry, and at night you are on a solid 4-hour schedule - which means Mommy only has to get up once to feed you.

Feeding times are my favorite time with you. It is such an intimate moment - you nursing, pressed up against my stomach. You always have your eyes open, looking every which way, taking it all in. Sometimes, Daddy sits with us, but most times its just you and me. And I LOVE IT.

This week I went back to work. It was so incredibly hard to leave you on Monday morning. I have a photo of you on my desk, but I miss your smell during the day. And your sound. And the feel of your soft little hands gripping my finger. Daddy absolutely loves being home with you, which makes it a bit easier on me.

This month you have also met your Grandma Jeffries, Grandpa Jeffries, Aunt Sarah, Aunt Beth, and Grandma Hanes. Its been so much fun to watch everyone light up when they see you. Mommy and Daddy are trying to take as many photos as we can, so that we can send them to all the family as often as possible.

Things I've learned about you this month:

1. You grin in your sleep after you've been fed.
   
2. You cry when we first get you in the bath, but then you love being in there.
   
3. You get lonely in the mornings if Mommy and Daddy try to sleep too late.
   
4. You are a heavy sleeper, just like Mommy.
   
5. You fall asleep easily in the car, or in your stroller.
   
6. When you're awake, you like to be in a sitting position as much as possible.
   
7. You are fascinated by the baby in your crib mirror. I am certain you are jealous of how cute she is.
   

Well, peanut, that was 1 month. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as Daddy and I have. I can't wait to get home each day and snuggle you.

Love,
Mommy